Sunday, December 26, 2010

Lady in Waiting

When I was 17, I had a crush on my friend, who shall remain nameless.  He was one of my very best guy friends.  I remember each boy that I had a crush on as a matter of fact, and not just when I was 17.  It's quite a long list.  I would need more fingers and toes to count all my boy-crazed crushes of my youth.  For all you women out there, you remember how nerve wrecking it was to like a guy that didn't even notice you.  You lingered around his locker in hopes that he would look at you this time.  You even found out his favorite hang out spots and started showing up hoping that he would notice you.  You did your hair just right and did not leave the house without make-up because heaven forbid he see you with a bare face.  Or, now that Facebook has arrived, you look at his profile at least a dozen times a day.  And you know he's only "friends" with you because you go to the same school or you have mutual friends.  At least he knows who are you, right?  That's all that matters!  These are just a few symptoms of a crush.

Merriam-Webster defines "crush" in this sense as " an intense and usually passing infatuation."  Notice the words "usually passing."  This is what I was talking about when I said I have a long list of crushes.  Crushes usually only concern one thing: physical attraction.  For the most part, the guys that I had crushes on, I did not know.  They were cute, athletic, popular, etc...  Did you hear me mention anything about their personalities?  Their beliefs?  No.  That didn't matter to me.  Each guy was the Mr. Right Now.  We were meant to be, I just knew it.  Me and all those guys (not all at once because that would creepy).  Each crush, at separate times was the one for me, until he got a girlfriend and then I moved onto another crush.  That is the unsettling cycle of having a crush.  You like a guy.  He doesn't know you exist.  You try to get his attention.  He gets a girlfriend.  You hate him.  You hate her for stealing him.  You like a new guy.  And the cycles goes on, and on.  The guy I liked when I was 17 was different.  He was already my friend.  I developed feelings for him, but I was afraid of what might happen to our friendship.

The other word in the definition that I would like to make point on is "intense" or in other words, obsessive.  Having a little crush is really not that bad.  Maybe you think the guy is cute; fine, whatever.  But let me tell you, you are not in love with the guy.  You are not meant to be (unless it is in God's plan for you, in which case you need to pray that God prepares you and him for each other).  I have never been in love, but I know enough about it that Love comes from the Lord.  True love and happiness only come from the Lord.  If you truly are in love with someone, chances are you are already in a serious relationship and God has blessed you with each other.  You cannot love someone that 1) you have never spoken a word to in your life, 2) doesn't know you exist, or 3) you've never even met (like a celebrity).  I can remember writing guys' names in my notebook and drawing hearts around them.  I would write Mrs. So-and-So, whatever his last name was, as if we were going to get married and live happily ever after.  When I was in 6th grade, my class went to camp and all of us girls played with the Ouija board and asked if any of the guys in our class had crushes on us.  There was a boy that lived down the street from me and he was in my class.  He was the reason my friends pulled out that silly Ouija board.  At the end of the school year, they all wrote in my yearbook, "Work it, girl." or "Work it for James."  What does that even mean?  I had to glam myself up in order to get his attention?  I did not actually believe in the Ouija board, but for a slight moment I hoped that they were true.  It was, and is false hope.  It makes me sick now to think about how I was in middle school and high school.

You can ask any of my family members or my friends, and they would tell you that I certainly was boy crazy.  I had all the boy bands and movie heart throbs plastered on my walls.  I spent hours on the phone talking to my friends about boys or just talking to boys.  However, while all my friends had boyfriends, I wished I had a boyfriend.  I prayed to God that a boy would ask me out on a date.  No one ever did.  To this date, no one ever has.  Don't feel sorry for me, because I'm not.  I had two brief "relationships" in middle school, if you can even call them that.  They each lasted a week.  Basically we said we like each other, sat next to each other at church, and then it was over the next week.  They were the typical break-ups in middle school; pass them a note through one of your friends.  I can look back at that time and laugh because each "relationship" was just puppy love.  They weren't serious.  We didn't go anywhere alone.  Where were we going to go at 13???  At least I don't talk on the phone for hours and hours anymore, which I am sure made my parents happy that I wasn't racking up the phone bill.

As for my crush when I was 17;  I wrote him an e-mail telling him that I wanted to be more than friends.  I remember the exact moment when he wrote me back.  I was in photography class checking my e-mail and there it was.  In my Inbox was a "RE:" from him.  He told me that he didn't feel the same way and that he didn't want to ruin our friendship either or his friendship with my brother.  Did I mention that he was my brother's best friend?  Those are the worst!  I read the email and I remember a tear falling from my eye.  At that moment I knew I was kidding myself and our friendship changed after that.  I couldn't even look at him let alone talk to him.  It was incredibly awkward from that moment on.  I was crushed, no pun intended.  But maybe that is why they are called crushes because someone ends up getting hurt.

Now that I am 25, I can honestly say that I am content with being single.  When I was in college, I did a Bible study called Lady in Waiting: Developing Your Love Relationships.  It's basically about how God is preparing someone for you; for marriage.  It made me realize that I don't have to worry about my hair, or my make-up.  Just being myself should be enough and trusting God with my heart.  I would recommend this book to any girl who has doubts about why God is keeping them single and I would love to do this study with you.  My dear friend Emily recently said something about being single and it spoke directly to my heart.  She said, "The season of singleness is such a gift from God!! A time to prepare to be the person God has meant u to be for ur future husband/wife. A time to reflect and allow God to change things in u that u did not see. A time to return to ur first true love, Jesus, and allow Him to change ur heart. Never be sad about singleness...! Instead, praise God for the time to become the very best YOU for HIM and for your future spouse!!"  This is pretty mush the entire Lady in Waiting theme.  I will admit, I have been sad about being single, but now I know that God is preparing me and no matter what I will never cease to give Him the glory in everything that I do!  God's timing is different from my own.  His is for the better because He knows my heart much better than I do.  Not to break out into a Snow White song, but someday my prince will come.

Jennifer Nicole

Sunday, December 12, 2010

To Play With and Enjoy

OK, this song makes me laugh every year.  Who, in their right mind, really wants a hippopotamus for Christmas?  I mean, REALLY!?  Come on; a hippopotamus???  I can tell you right now, that I do not, nor will I ever want a hippopotamus!!  Do you know how many people die from hippos each year? Me neither; I thought you might.  All I know is that hippos are mean and they do kill, especially mama hippos.  They are crazy protective over their babies much like mama bears.  Have you ever tried to approach a bear cub, and then have the mama chase you down? Me neither, and I do not want to know what that feels like.  But I digress.  Let's get back to the song.

So, of course a little girl is supposedly asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas!  Why wouldn't she?  It's every little girls' dream.  If I remember correctly from my childhood *let me reach deep into the back of my brain* I wanted dolls, or barbies, or stuffed animals.  This girl does not want those things.  She makes this clear when she says, "Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy..."  Come on now.  What does this song even mean.  It makes no sense.  I just keep coming back to the question, who really wants a hippopotamus ever?  You already know that I do not, and for many reasons.

First of all, hippos are not even cool.  I would justify wanting a cute puppy dog or maybe even a snake for you extremists, but a hippo; not cool.  I would never get a snake either because they are slimy and they bite, but if you need a wild animal then get a snake.  I would even justify wanting a kangaroo because they always come with a baby so it's a BOGO deal; Buy One Get One.  But then again, kangaroos are pretty dangerous because apparently they kick really really hard.  I'd prefer not to be kicked by my pets.  Let's see, what is a cool animal that is not dangerous?  Pigs are really smart, but then you'd have to deal with the mud.  Pigs always come with mud.  And they smell really bad.  I've never been to a farm where the animals smelled like roses.  Horses are pretty cool, but if you don't know how to ride them or take care of them, then they just stand in their barn eating grass.  Actually, let's just stick with the normal pets; cats, dogs, birds, maybe a snake.  Not hippos!!

Second of all, hippos ARE dangerous!!  Do not be fooled by Gloria in Madagascar.  They are not friendly, and they don't talk.  I'm pretty sure the mom is right in the song, a hippo would eat you alive.  They may be vegetarians but they are huge.  What if it sits on you?  You'd be crushed, literally.  A hippo is not an appropriate gift for a child, or anyone for that matter.  This girl wants to put the hippo in the garage.  What about your parents' cars, little girl?  Did you ask your mom and dad if you could keep the hippo in the garage?  No, you did not.  Of course they wouldn't let you keep a hippo in the house.  Hippos need water and fresh greens.  Is your garage a pool or large field of grass?  I didn't think so.  You didn't think about the responsibility of taking care of a hippo.  They need more than just food, bathing and a massage; gee, a massage sounds really good right about now..oh sorry, I digress again.  Animals like hippos need to be free in the wild to roam where ever they feel like.  So ask your mom for a doll or toy, or something that be easily disposed of once you're bored with it.

I guess I don't have any more reasons.

Jennifer Nicole