OK, this song makes me laugh every year. Who, in their right mind, really wants a hippopotamus for Christmas? I mean, REALLY!? Come on; a hippopotamus??? I can tell you right now, that I do not, nor will I ever want a hippopotamus!! Do you know how many people die from hippos each year? Me neither; I thought you might. All I know is that hippos are mean and they do kill, especially mama hippos. They are crazy protective over their babies much like mama bears. Have you ever tried to approach a bear cub, and then have the mama chase you down? Me neither, and I do not want to know what that feels like. But I digress. Let's get back to the song.
So, of course a little girl is supposedly asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas! Why wouldn't she? It's every little girls' dream. If I remember correctly from my childhood *let me reach deep into the back of my brain* I wanted dolls, or barbies, or stuffed animals. This girl does not want those things. She makes this clear when she says, "Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy..." Come on now. What does this song even mean. It makes no sense. I just keep coming back to the question, who really wants a hippopotamus ever? You already know that I do not, and for many reasons.
First of all, hippos are not even cool. I would justify wanting a cute puppy dog or maybe even a snake for you extremists, but a hippo; not cool. I would never get a snake either because they are slimy and they bite, but if you need a wild animal then get a snake. I would even justify wanting a kangaroo because they always come with a baby so it's a BOGO deal; Buy One Get One. But then again, kangaroos are pretty dangerous because apparently they kick really really hard. I'd prefer not to be kicked by my pets. Let's see, what is a cool animal that is not dangerous? Pigs are really smart, but then you'd have to deal with the mud. Pigs always come with mud. And they smell really bad. I've never been to a farm where the animals smelled like roses. Horses are pretty cool, but if you don't know how to ride them or take care of them, then they just stand in their barn eating grass. Actually, let's just stick with the normal pets; cats, dogs, birds, maybe a snake. Not hippos!!
Second of all, hippos ARE dangerous!! Do not be fooled by Gloria in Madagascar. They are not friendly, and they don't talk. I'm pretty sure the mom is right in the song, a hippo would eat you alive. They may be vegetarians but they are huge. What if it sits on you? You'd be crushed, literally. A hippo is not an appropriate gift for a child, or anyone for that matter. This girl wants to put the hippo in the garage. What about your parents' cars, little girl? Did you ask your mom and dad if you could keep the hippo in the garage? No, you did not. Of course they wouldn't let you keep a hippo in the house. Hippos need water and fresh greens. Is your garage a pool or large field of grass? I didn't think so. You didn't think about the responsibility of taking care of a hippo. They need more than just food, bathing and a massage; gee, a massage sounds really good right about now..oh sorry, I digress again. Animals like hippos need to be free in the wild to roam where ever they feel like. So ask your mom for a doll or toy, or something that be easily disposed of once you're bored with it.
I guess I don't have any more reasons.
Jennifer Nicole
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